Section 6 - Disagreement and reconciliation between husband and wife

Superiority of men overwomen - Wife's perverseness and desertion to effect - Duty to Allah inculcates all the other duties - Niggardliness and hypocrisy condemned

34. " Men have authority over women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women). Therefore, the good women are obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded. And (as to) those (women) on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and avoid them in beds and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; verily Allah is Ever-High, Ever-Great. "

Commentary :

Guardianship in the System of a Family

A family is a small unit of the society, similar to a large assembly of people, a family must have a single proper leader. The reason is that a leadership upon a family accomplished by several of men and women in common, is of no vail. In this form of leadership, either of husband or wife must be the chief of the family and the other should be his/her assistant and under his/her governance. Here, by this verse, the Qur'an clearly announces that the guardianship of the family must be given to the man of the family. It says:

" Men have authority over women ... "

Of course, the purpose of this statement is not a sense of casting transgression, inequity and aggression; but the aim is producing a single, fairly regular leadership regarding to the necessary consultations and responsibilities.

The second section of the verse is divided into two parts. In the first part it denotes that this guardianship is for some superiorities that, (for the sake of regularity of the society), Allah has assigned for some people comparing some others. It says:

" ... because Allah has made some of them to excel others ... "

And, in the second part of the statement it implies that this guardianship is for the sake of the responsibilities that men undertake along the side of financial payments due to women and family members. It says:

" ... and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women), ..."

Then, it adds that: with respect to the duties women undertake at home, they are divided into two groups:

The first group are those pious women who, because of the rights Allah has set for them, are humble and protect the secrets and rights of their husband when the husband is absent:

" ... therefore, the good women are obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded, ... "

That is, always, and at the absense of their husbands in particular, they commit no treachery whether from the point of property, or honour, or protecting the family secrets, and the credit and personality of their husbands. They also truely follow their duties and responsibilities to fulfil them well.

The second group are the women who usually refuse to do their duties. Thus, the signs of disagreement and discord are seen in them. Confronting such women, men have some duties which they must follow step by step. At the first stage, it says:

" ... And (as to) those (women) on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, ... "

For the second stage, it says:

" ... and avoid them in beds, ... "

And, in the third stage, when the discord, disobedience, and the state of heedlessness toward the duties and responsibilities the limits are transgressed, and the wife severely continues stubbornness and law breaking, so that neither admonishment nor separation from bed, nor heedlessness of man unto her, has any effect and avail, there remains no way save harshness. So, it says:

" ... and beat them; ... "

It is certain, of course, that if one of these stages affects positively and the woman starts doing her duties, the man has no right to hurt her under any pretext. That is why, immediately after stating this phrase, the Qur'an continues saying:

" ... then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; ... "

At the end of the verse, it warns men again that they should not abuse their position of guardianship in the family. They ought to think of Allah Whose Power is above all powers. It says:

" ... verily Allah is Ever-High, Ever-Great. "

(35) وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُواْ حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلاَحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا

35. " And if you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people. If they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them; Verily Allah is Knowing, All-Aware."

Commentary:

The Family Peace Court:

In this holy verse, the Qur'anrefers to the discord which happens between a couple, it says: " And if you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people. ..."

Then, it continues saying:

"... If they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them; ..."

And, in order to warn the concerning arbitrators to employ good intention in the course, it concludes the verse with this sense that Allah is aware of their intentions. It says:

" ... Verily Allah is Knowing, All-Aware."

The ' family peace cour ', which has been referred to in this verse, is one of the distinguished works of Islam. This kind of peace-court, compared with ordinary courts, has some privileges that cannot be found in other courts. A few of these privileges are as follows:

1- In family environment the treatments cannot be dry and performed legally according to the spiritless court regulations. Hence, the Qur'an instructs that the arbitrators of this court must be of those who have kinship with the couple and are able to move their sentiments along the path of reconciliation.

2- In ordinary courts the two sides of the conflict have to divulge the secrets they have in order to defend themselves. Here, it is certain that if either of woman or man manifest their conjugal secrets for some strangers, they may hurt the feelings of each other so violently that if they be returned home forcefully, there will not exist any sign of their previous sincerity and love between them.

3- In ordinary courts, judges are often inattentive in the course of dispute, while in the family peace-court, the arbitrators usually do their best to settle peace and sincerity between those two spouses and try to return them home.

4- Moreover, such a family court has none of the problems and heavy expenditures for the couple that the ordinary courts have.

(36) وَاعْبُدُواْ اللّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ ا للّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالاً فَخُورًا

36. " And worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him, and do good to the parents, and to the kindred, and the orphans and the needy, and the neighbour close to you, and the neighbour who is a stranger, and the companion in a journey, and the way farer, and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily Allah does not love the one who is proud, boastful."

Commentary:

In this verse, some different rights are spoken about. They are irrespective of the rights of Allah, and the rights of people, and also some civilities of social life. On the whole, there are ten commandments mentioned in the verse.

1- The first theme therein is that it invites people to worship and servitude to Allah while they should abandon idolatry and infidelity. This godly manner is the root of all Islamic agenda. The act of following the notion of Unity and theism, purifies the soul, clarifies the intention, strengthens the will, and tightens the decision for performing any right and useful action in the cause of Allah. Since the verse is to state a series of Islamic rights, before referring to anything else, it points to the right of Allah upon people.

" And worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him, ..."

2- Then, it adds:

"...and do good to the parents, ..."

The right of parents is one of the subjects which has been repeatedly emphasized in the holy Qur'an. There is fewer matters that have been recommended so much in it. In four occurrences of the Qur'an this idea has been mentioned after the subject of Unity.

3- Next to that, it continues saying:

"... and to the kindred, ..."

This subject is also one of the themes that has been emphasized abundantly in the Qur'an. It has sometimes been referred to as 'blood ties', and sometimes has been enjoined under the commandment of ' doing good to the kindred '.

4- Then it pays to the rights of orphans, and encourages the believing people to doing good unto the 'orphans'. The reason of this emphasis is that, as a result of different incidents, there always exist some orphan children in every society that forgetting them, not only spoils their condition but also puts the situation of the society in danger.

"... and the orphans,..."

5- Next to that, the Holy Qur'an reminds us the 'rights' of the needy ones.

"...and the needy, ..."

The reason of this remembrance is that: in every society there are usually some handicapped persons, some feeble ones, and the like of them that leaving them out is against all the principles of humanity.

6- After that, the verse recommends to doing good unto the neighbours who are near to us. It says:

"... and the neighbour close to you, ..."

7- The neighbours who are strangers to us are then recommended. It says:

"... and the neighbour who is a stranger, ..."

The 'right of neighbourhood ' is so important in Islam that Imam Amir-ul-Mu'mineen Ali (a.s.) has stated about it thus: " The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) instructed about them so much that we thought he might enjoin that they would inherit from each other." (1)

Another tradition denotes that one day it happened that the holy Prophet (p.b.u.h.) three times said: " By Allah, he does not believe."

A person asked him (p.b.u.h.) whom he meant, and the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: " The person whose neighbour is not in security from his molestation." (2)

8- After that, the Qur'an has recommended about those who are friends and companions. It says:

" ...and the companion in a journey, ..."

The Arabic phrase: /as-sahib-il-janb/, of course, has a larger scope of meaning than 'friend' and 'companion'. Thus, the verse conveys a general and inclusive command regarding to having good manner due to those who somehow connect with us irrespective of real friends, fellow-workmen, fellow-travellers, those who ask us for something, students, counsellors, and waiters.

9- Another group, whom are recommended about here, are those who will be in need, because of some reasons, when they are in journey and are far from their own home, although they may be rich in their own city. So, it says:

"... and way farer, ..."

10- The final recommendation is about doing good unto the slaves. It says:

"...and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. ..."

In fact, the above verse begins with the subject of the right of Allah and concludes with ' the rights of slaves '. Not only in this verse the slaves are recommended about, but also many other verses of the Qur'an are upon this matter. At the end, the verse warns us, saying:

"...Verily Allah does not love the one who is proud, boastful."

(1)'Amali, by Sadugh, p. 4208 (Persian translation) & Tafsir-ul-'Amthal, vol. 3, p. 204.

(2) Ibid

(37) الَّذِينَ يَبْخَلُونَ وَيَأْمُرُونَ النَّاسَ بِالْبُخْلِ وَيَكْتُمُونَ مَا آتَاهُمُ اللّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَأَعْتَدْنَا لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابًا مُّهِينًا

37. " Those who are niggardly and enjoin people to niggardliness and hide what Allah has given them out of His grace; and We have prepared for the disbelievers a humiliating chastisement."

Commentary:

Hypocritical and Godly Charities

This verse, in fact, is the continuation of the subject of the former verses which refers to the arrogant persons and haughty ones. Such persons not only refrain from doing good to human beings themselves, but also invite people to niggardliness. It says:

" Those who are niggardly and enjoin people to niggardliness ..."

Moreover, they often try to conceal that which Allah has bestowed them out of His Grace lest people of their society expect something from them.

"... and hide what Allah has given them out of His grace; ..."

Then, the Qur'an states about the fate and the end of these persons as this:

"... and We have prepared for the disbelievers a humiliating chastisement."

Perhaps the key to the secret of mentioning the word ' the disbelievers ' in this verse is that: 'niggardliness' often originates from infidelity, because the niggardly persons, indeed, have not a complete faith upon the endless merits of Allah unto the good-doers. So, when it says that their punishment is " a humiliating chastisement ", it is for the reason that they may see the retribution of ' arrogance ' and ' self-admiration ' through this way.

       

(38) وَالَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ أَمْوَالَهُمْ رِئَـاء النَّاسِ وَلاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللّهِ وَلاَ بِالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَمَن يَكُنِ الشَّيْطَانُ لَهُ قَرِينًا فَسَاء قِرِينًا

38. " And (the arrogant ones are) those who spend their wealth to be seen by people and neither believe in Allah nor in the Last Day; and anyone whose companion be Satan, (what) an evil companion then he is! "

Commentary:

Sometimes Satan whispers and tempts something from a long distance into some persons, and sometimes it does it from a short distance. The believers usually flee from the temptations of Satan, but sometimes Satan becomes as a constant friend and companion of some people. It may approach them very nigh, and in a manner that Sura Al-Zukhruf, No. 43, verse 36 refers to. It states: " And whoever turns himself away from the remembrance of the Beneficent God, We appoint for him a Satan, so he becomes his associate."

Explanations :

1- Both to abandon giving charity and to give charity hypocritically are bad. In the previous verse, niggardliness was blamed, and here in the above verse, hypocritical remitalls are remonstrated.

2- Hypocrisy is the sign of the lack of true faith in Allah and the Hereafter. A hypocrite relies on people, then he is deprived from the full reward in the Hereafter.

3- The goal of giving charity is not only satiating the hungry, since this aim can be gained by hypocrisy either. So, the aim of giving charity, is also the spiritual growth of the giver of charity.

(39) وَمَاذَا عَلَيْهِمْ لَوْ آمَنُواْ بِاللّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَأَنفَقُواْ مِمَّا رَزَقَهُمُ اللّهُ وَكَانَ اللّهُ بِهِم عَلِيمًا

39. " And what (harm) would it have done them if they had believed in Allah and the Last Day, and spent in charity of what Allah had provided them with? And Allah is ever aware of them."

Commentary :

In this verse, as an expression of sympathy and regret for the state of this group, it says that what would happen to them if they returned from this deviated-path and believed in Allah and the Last Day? They could also spend a part of the bounties that Allah had given them to the servants of Allah with a sincere intention and through a pure thought. By this way, they would earn the felicity and happiness of this world and the next world both.

" And what (harm) would it have done them if they had believed in Allah and the Last Day, and spent in charity of what Allah had provided them with? ..."

However, Allah is aware of their intentions and deeds, and He will give them an appropriate reward and retribution accordingly.

"...And Allah is ever aware of them."

(40) إِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يَظْلِمُ مِثْقَالَ ذَرَّةٍ وَإِن تَكُ حَسَنَةً يُضَاعِفْهَا وَيُؤْتِ مِن لَّدُنْهُ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا

40. " Verily Allah does not do injustice even of the weight of an atom, and if there be a good deed He multiplies it and gives from Himself a great reward."

Commentary:

This verse, addressing the faithless and niggardly persons, whose status was introduced in the former verses, says:

" Verily Allah does not do injustice even of the weight of an atom, ..."

The Arabic term /zazrah/ originally means very small ant which is not seen easily; but, gradually it has been applied for every small thing. Accordingly, nowadays, ' atom ', which is any of the smallest particles of an element, is also called /zarrah/. And, in view of the fact that the Arabic word /mithqal/ means 'weight', the Qur'anic phrase /mithqala zarratin/ means 'the weight of an extraordinary small thing'. Then, the verse adds that: not only Allah does not do injustice, but also:

"... and if there be a good deed He multiplies it and gives from Himself a great reward."

Why Does Allah not Do Injustice?

The root of injustice is usually either ignorance, or fear, or need, or greed, etc, but Allah, Who is the Self-Sufficient, Omniscient, and Glorified, does not do injustice. Moreover, Allah has enjoined people to equity and goodness Himself, then how does He do injustice? Yet, His reward is manyfold: (ten-fold, hundred-fold, or more).

(41) فَكَيْفَ إِذَا جِئْنَا مِن كُلِّ أمَّةٍ بِشَهِيدٍ وَجِئْنَا بِكَ عَلَى هَـؤُلاء شَهِيدًا

41. " How will it be, then, when We bring from every people a witness and We bring you a witness over those (witnesses) ?"

Commentary:

The content of this verse, which refers to the Messenger of Allah, as a witness over the Ummah, has also occurred in some other verses of the Qur'an (such as: Sura Al-Baqarah, No. 2, verse 143, Sura An-Nahl, No. 16, verse 89, and Sura Al-Hajj, No. 22, verse 78).

Whenever Ibn-Mas'ud recited this verse to the Prophet (p.b.u.h.), the tears of the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) would shed. (Narrated from Sahih-i-Bukhari, Tarmathi, and Nisa'i in Tafsir-ul-Kabir by Fakhr-i-Raziand Tafsir-i-Maraghi).

Allah does not need, of course, to bring any witnesses, but human beings are in a condition that the more they feel the presence of witnesses, the more effective it is for strengthening their training and their piety. As the verses of the Qur'an indicate, there are many sorts of witnesses in the Hereafter; among them are: Allah: " Verily Allah is a witness over all things"; (1) the prophets: the above verse,(2)the immaculate Imams:" And thus have We made you an Ummah of middling stand that you may be witnesses over mankind, ...(3); the angels: " And every soul shall come, with it a driver and a witness.;(4) the earth: " On that Day, she will recount (all) her news:(5); the time: A tradition says that: every day the time addresses man by saying:" I am a new day and I am a witness over you " (6) and the limbs of the body:" On the Day when their tongues and their hands and their feet shall bear witness against them as to what they did.(7) And, again, we should be aware that the Day of Resurrection is the Day on which the witnesses will stand forth:" on the day when shall stand forth the witnesses.(8)

Explanations:

1- Prophets are some examples for people in the world and the witnesses over them in the Hereafter.

2- It is Allah's way of treatment that the prophet of every nation be a witness over that nation. After the departure of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) there should be someone with the same qualities of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) (the immaculate Imams) to be witness over people. Imam Sadiq (a.s.) in a tradition said:

" In any Age an Imam from us, Ahlul-Bayt, is a witness over people, and the Messenger of Allah is a witness over us (9).

(1)Sura Al-Hajj, No. 22, verse 17
(2) The verse under discussion
(3) Sura Al-Baqarah, No. 2, verse 143
(4) Sura Qaf, No. 50, verse 21
(5) Sura Az-Zilzal, No. 99, verse 4
(6) Nur-uth-Thaqalayn, vol. 5, p. 112
(7) Sura An-Nur, No. 24, verse 24
(8) Sura Al-Mu'min (Qafir), No. 40, verse 51
(9) Nur-uth-Thaqalayn, vol. 1, p. 399

 

(42) يَوْمَئِذٍ يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ وَعَصَوُاْ الرَّسُولَ لَوْ تُسَوَّى بِهِمُ الأَرْضُ وَلاَ يَكْتُمُونَ اللّهَ حَدِيثًا

42. " On that Day will those who disbelieve and disobey the Messenger wish that the earth were levelled with them, and they will not hide any word from Allah."

Commentary:

On the Day of Judgement, before standing these witnesses up, the disobedient infidels deny their committing sins and corruptions in the world and try to find a way to escape. They would say: "... By Allah, our Lord, we were not polytheists.(1);But, in Hereafter when the witnesses say the facts, there will exist no room for them to deny. So, they will desire that the earth were levelled with them.

" On that Day will those who disbelieve and disobey the Messenger wish that the earth were levelled with them, and they will not hide any word from Allah."

Explanations:

1- Disobedience to the governmental commands of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) is considered in a row with disbelief in Allah.

"...those who disbelieve and disobey the Messenger..."

2- The Day of Resurrection is the day of regret and desire.

"... wish that the earth were levelled with them, ..."

3- On the Day of Judgement, there will remain nothing concealed.

"...and they will not hide any word from Allah."

In some verses of the Qur'an, the regretful wishes of the sinners are pointed out, as follows:

I wish I were soil. I wish I were covered inside the soil! I wish I would not have made friend with so and so! I wish I contemplated in the world! I wish I had been vanished by that very death. And some other phrases like that.

(1)Sura Al-'An'am, No. 6, verse 23

(43) يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الصّلوةَ وَأَنتُمْ سُكَارَى حَتَّىَ تَعْلَمُواْ مَا تَقُولُونَ وَلاَ جُنُبًا إِلاَّ عَابِرِي سَبِيلٍ حَتَّىَ تَغْتَسِلُواْ وَإِن كُنتُم مَّرْضَى أَوْ عَلَى سَفَرٍ أَوْ جَاء أَحَدٌ مِّنكُم مِّن الْغَآئِطِ أ َوْ لاَمَسْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَلَمْ تَجِدُواْ مَاء فَتَيَمَّمُواْ صَعِيدًا طَيِّبًا فَامْسَحُواْ بِوُجُوهِكُمْ وَأَيْدِيكُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَفُوًّا غَفُورًا